Snippets of an old diary

sunday april 16

i’m just having intrusive thoughts again i can’t get out of my head it hurts so bad i just play all these made-up situations in my head and think that they’re actually going to happen i just worry so much about everything and it gives me such bad anxiety i’m scared of being alone i’m scared

i just have this aching pain in my stomach and it’s like this giant empty pit that never gets better

sometimes i just want to chug a glass of wine or down some shots of vodka i feel like i smoke weed now because i just have nothing else to do and it makes me not feel like myself at least for a little while

i just spiral out of control in my head because i feel as though i have no control 

monday april 17

we went to a bar/nightcub last night […] and it was really fun but also like i was trying not to be anxious because settings like that freak me out

tuesday april 18

i got 4 and a half hours of sleep two nights ago and last night i slept like 10 hours so i’m really not doing anything good for my mental health

i’m honestly planning on getting so fucking drunk i’ll even take shots of vodka and maybe just black out and throw up and just try to forget about my anxiety for once 

also i hate my tits.

wednesday april 19

why are you creating these mental images of things that will never happen

friday april 21

whoops

i got really high

thursday april 27

i fucking took shots of TEQUILA it was so gross and i drank a fuck ton of beer i ended up actually barfing at the end of the night we went to a party too but it turned out that it had already ended and then we went to another party

tuesday may 9

i think i need to start

  • waking up early
  • going to the gym
  • eating healthy
  • cooking meals
  • cutting down a lil on smoking
  • staying away from drinking

I WANT TO BE SKINNY

friday august 2

i don’t know if i […] anymore. it hurts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s